queen_unicorn_reject (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
queen_unicorn_reject) wrote2024-09-14 06:55 am
queen_unicorn_reject) wrote2024-09-14 06:55 am
9/13/24
Alone time
My mom is not here until 8 PM tomorrow, so I'm alone for almost all of today and tomorrow. I was going to go see a movie, I wanna go see Look Back, the anime movie adaptation of Tatsuki Fujimoto's manga. I can go see it any other day though, not a lot of people are seeing it so I can get a ticket whenever.
I did the weekly stream a bit early this time. Usually I do it on weekends EST time, but since I was free all of tonight, I decided to do it on a Friday. No one came to call, and Serena was really sick so she couldn't call either, but there were a few people on the chatroom, which was nice.
Been thinking about a conversation I had with Bea yesterday. It's a quite personal one so I don't wanna talk about it too much. But basically I was going off on a self hating spiel about how she doesn't compliment me a lot and she went off on me, saying she feels like I shrug off her compliments when she gives them and I don't seem to give much of a reaction and all that. It was really tough for me to hear because I like to think of myself as an expressive person.
She also said she didn't know why I loved her, because she doesn't seem to give me anything I want or need. I couldn't really give a good answer to that. I don't think you need a good reason to love somebody.
I talked to Serena about this and, to be fair, she thought Bea wasn't making sense. She said I do give a lot of expressive reaction when *she* compliments me, and that she doesn't understand why Bea just can't tell me more compliments when that takes zero effort to do so. I got the feeling these two people have vastly different experiences with me and I'm not sure why. Bea said Serena seems to be more attuned to my needs than she is. She thinks Serena is better for me than she is. I guess that's true.
I still love her a lot. Polyamory is hard. I don't really get it. I'm scared that I'm not good enough for Bea. I'm scared that we're not good for each other. Bea said if we weren't, how would we have kept it up for this long? That's true. We always seem to work it out. I hope that's the case.
Today I read for 66:56. I'm done with God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater. It's not one of my favourite Vonnegut books, but still a really great one. There is sort of a stop in motion during the third act of the plot, which I'm not a fan of. But it still has a great ending, which works really well. I think I'll write a shorter review for it.
My mom is not here until 8 PM tomorrow, so I'm alone for almost all of today and tomorrow. I was going to go see a movie, I wanna go see Look Back, the anime movie adaptation of Tatsuki Fujimoto's manga. I can go see it any other day though, not a lot of people are seeing it so I can get a ticket whenever.
I did the weekly stream a bit early this time. Usually I do it on weekends EST time, but since I was free all of tonight, I decided to do it on a Friday. No one came to call, and Serena was really sick so she couldn't call either, but there were a few people on the chatroom, which was nice.
Been thinking about a conversation I had with Bea yesterday. It's a quite personal one so I don't wanna talk about it too much. But basically I was going off on a self hating spiel about how she doesn't compliment me a lot and she went off on me, saying she feels like I shrug off her compliments when she gives them and I don't seem to give much of a reaction and all that. It was really tough for me to hear because I like to think of myself as an expressive person.
She also said she didn't know why I loved her, because she doesn't seem to give me anything I want or need. I couldn't really give a good answer to that. I don't think you need a good reason to love somebody.
I talked to Serena about this and, to be fair, she thought Bea wasn't making sense. She said I do give a lot of expressive reaction when *she* compliments me, and that she doesn't understand why Bea just can't tell me more compliments when that takes zero effort to do so. I got the feeling these two people have vastly different experiences with me and I'm not sure why. Bea said Serena seems to be more attuned to my needs than she is. She thinks Serena is better for me than she is. I guess that's true.
I still love her a lot. Polyamory is hard. I don't really get it. I'm scared that I'm not good enough for Bea. I'm scared that we're not good for each other. Bea said if we weren't, how would we have kept it up for this long? That's true. We always seem to work it out. I hope that's the case.
Today I read for 66:56. I'm done with God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater. It's not one of my favourite Vonnegut books, but still a really great one. There is sort of a stop in motion during the third act of the plot, which I'm not a fan of. But it still has a great ending, which works really well. I think I'll write a shorter review for it.